My testimony:
My name is Işfa Alin and I was born in Arad (Romania), on February 11th, 1971. Since being a child, I have been thirsty for knowledge and during adolescence I began to ask myself questions about the real meaning of life, about God's existence, about the problem of suffering in the world, and the fact that human life is short. These questions were worrying my mind. Later, being influenced by school and TV programs about the theory of evolution, I started to believe in evolution. There were times that I was unsure of what to believe.
In 1990, I had my first contact with Jehovah's Witnesses, since at the place I worked, there was a young lady who was studying with them and after a while, I started a regular Bible study with Jehovah's Witnesses. What helped me to continue studying, despite opposition from my family, was that I understood the meaning of life, which is for us to live forever and not just few years, this being accomplished by God.
In 1992, I became an unbaptized publisher in the Organization of Jehovah's Witnesses, and on March 13th, 1993, I received the water baptism. Time was passing and I was progressing in understanding the Scriptures and also in the desire to do more for Jehovah God, so, in 1997 I started auxiliary pioneering and in January 1998, I began regular pioneering, and in April of the same year I was appointed as ministerial servant at Arad Center congregation, where I was entrusted with the Theocratic Ministry School supervision and congregation's territories.
Over the years, however, because of both: the intensive individual study, and discussions I had with people of other religions, whom I met during the ministry work, uncertainity appeared in my mind over some explanations of the Watchtower, which were worrying me. However until 1997, I was very exuberant and naive, having full confidence in the Organization; I used to ridicule even the idea that Jehovah's Witnesses do not have the truth. I remember a conversation I had with a friend witness, who read the book "The Mystery Fulfilled" written in 1917, after the death of the first president of the Society, Russell, which was based on his teachings, this brother told me that reading the book made him think, because many explanations have changed, but I told him: "My dear brother, be sure that now we have the full light or are close to it anyway, so do not worry". But after few years, I had to give him the right, I was too naive and confident in the Organization. With time, the uncertainty took over my mind, I found more and more discrepancies between the Bible and the teachings of the Watchtower, but by no means I wanted to take into account that the Organization misleads us. I was lying to myself by believing that the teachings were going to be changed, or it was better for me to overlook them, because they were not so important.
At a time when more and more questions have gathered, I sent a letter to Jehovah's Witnesses Branch in Bucharest which contained 12 questions, to which I did not get a straight answer but the district supervisor received the commission to answer my questions. He did not receive any material with answers, so he had to answer based on the teachings from the Organization's magazines, which I already knew. The problem was that some of those teachings contradicted each other, while others contradicted the Bible. A sister witness, whom I asked to help me in translating some articles from English, put it this way: "The branch washed its hands of the unwilling questions". Finally, I talked to the supervisor, who actually said he does not have enough time to discuss, suggesting me to study more, like it was not the study that opened my eyes to see the contradictions. I talked to the supervisor about thirty minutes and I did not receive any solid response, moreover, to show how far Jehovah's Witnesses go with misinterpretation of verses, I will tell you what the supervisor replied to support the Watchtower doctrine. My question was: "How is it compatible for a christian to attend the Legal Court, since Watchtower allows such a practice (W 1/4 1997 p.27), with the text in 1 Corinthians 5: 12,13, which says that we do not have to do with judging those from the world?" The supervisor replied: "Don't you know that Paul sometimes speaks like a madman". I was astonished by his answer, and I said: "It is true that on several occasions Paul said about himself that he speaks like being out of his mind, but not in this context". The elder of the congregation told me that I was being dogmatic, I was not accepting the explanation, so the discussion of my questions ended. I did not know if the real reason of ending our conversation was lack of time or anything else, but I was outraged when I learned later that same supervisor had time for opera and leisure, but he had no time for the Bible.
Once being so disappointed, I thought that it is useless to send out another letter, but with time passing, the discrepances between the Bible and the Society's publications grew, so in 1999 I thought I would ask some questions at the pioneers school we were attending. I gave school instructors a list of five questions, thinking not to load them with too many. After privately talking with each of them for over an hour, I have not received any satisfactory answer, in fact, they told me that even the Society cannot give any answer to two of my questions, but answers to other questions made me more confused than clarified. For example, one of those questions was: "Why did apostles baptize those from Samaria (Acts 8:16) in the name of Jesus Christ ONLY, given that commandment in Matthew 28:19,20 was to baptize in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit?" One of the instructors showed me that Cornelius, who was from nations, was also baptized in the name of Jesus Christ and not in the name of the Holy Trinity (Acts 10:48). The explanation of the Society for baptism in the name of Jesus is that the Jews, as covenant people, knew the Father and the Holy Spirit but did not know Jesus, and thus, had to be baptized only in the name of Jesus, but this explanation, forced from the start, does not explain the baptism only in Jesus' name of the people of Samaria nor of the people from nations. Therefore my uncertainty deepened.
Another question I asked, concerned Matthew 8:11, it was: "Why are presented Abraham, Isaac and Jacob in the Kingdom of heaven, when we know that all of them have an earthly hope?" The instructors answer, taken from the Watchtower magazines, which actually I knew it, was that Abraham represents Jehovah; Isaac: Jesus; and Jacob: anointed ones, so it's not Abraham, Isaac and Jacob who will actually be in heaven, but Jehovah, Jesus and the anointed ones. But I kept asking: "Then, who are the prophets, mentioned together with them, in the related verse in Luke 13:29?" Since the Watchtower does not have this verse explained, the instructors didn't know what to answer me.
After that, our conversation stuck to the text of Romans 11: 25,26, as Watchtower applies verse 25 to the nation of Israel but verse 26 to spiritual Israel, which did not seem right because these verses are linked; after a long discussion in which instructors brought no solid argument to support such an interpretation, one of the supervisors finally said: "From grammar point of view you are right, but we must take things logically"; at first it seems a meaningless statement, but I think I understood what he wanted to tell me, something like: from grammar point of view you are right, but not from the point of view of Watchtower's logic.
After these events, in the autumn of 1999, I decided to send a letter to the Brooklyn Branch, particularly related to the teaching of the heavenly resurrection since researching this subject I realized that the Watchtower's explanation does not stand at a careful analysis. Although it was a clear and respectful letter I received no response. Then over two months, I sent another letter, more detailed as the first one, both of them focusing on ascension to heaven of those anointed ones, which according to Watchtower began in 1918. My question essentially was: "Why do we teach of three stages of ascension to heaven: those dead in union with Christ were resurrected in 1918 and began to rule with Jesus; those who die of 144,000 during the Lord's Day are being resurrected instantly; and the remaining ones will go to heaven at Armageddon or after Armageddon; and how these stages harmonize with the Bible, which states two stages, and in the future: 1. "The Lord himself will descend from heaven ... and those who are dead in union with Christ will rise first." 2. "Afterward we the living who are surviving will, together with them, be caught away in clouds to meet the Lord in the air ..." (1Thessalonians 4: 16,17NW)? "
I did not receive any answer to questions from my letters, although they reached Brooklyn, the people there sent them to the Bucharest Branch, as people there could change the teachings, which can only be done by the Governing Body. Those from Bucharest sent the letters to the elders of my congregation, who could make even less in terms of solving the problem, moreover, they received the advice from the Branch, which they passed to me, namely: "not to think about these questions anymore". Besides this strange advice from an organization that claims to have the truth, they gave me an article copied from a Watchtower magazine and few references to the book "Paradise" and to some publications. But these publications did not answer my questions, and the copied article that I received in English, and which a sister witness who knew English well, translated it to me, actually contradicted itself.
In April 2000, the district overseer visited our congregation, on such ocassions they usually make appointments of elders and ministerial servants. One evening, on my way back home, I was talking with an elder from the congregation and he said to me: "If you had not sent those letters with questions, you would have been appointed as elder now. Stop sending letters and perhaps at the next district overseer's visit, you will be named an elder". I'm glad God helped me to take a firm position at that time, saying: "For me, the truth is more important than having any privileges, I prefer to lose my privileges but to know the truth", and this is exactly what happened. In May 2000 I was judicially reprimanded and I lost the privileges of regular pioneering and of being a ministerial servant, but let me tell you what happend in more details.
From the beginning of 1999, I used to visit a family once a week, which was dear to me, and study together either from the manual for pioneers, or from those three or four chapters of the Bible distributed at Theocratic Ministry School. It was wonderful, we felt good, a sister even said that she felt nourished better than at the congregation meetings. Once I was there with two brothers and three sisters reading the Bible and trying to understand it, so it came up some of us expressed disagreement with some explanations of the Watchtower, I also expressed my opinion concerning the year 1914, because meanwhile studying this subject and calculating the 7 times I understood that it does not stand at a careful analysis, and also I understood that Jesus was not enthroned yet, but He will be enthroned in the future at His arrival, when the re-creation of things will start in the millennium (Matthew 19:28; 25:31). That night after I left, a sister went to an elder of the congregation and told him what I said, this I found out later.
After few days I went to meet that elder in order to go with him on field service, instead I was taken to the Kingdom Hall, where other elders were waiting for me. I was taken tough especially by one of them, but I could no longer keep silent and go further carrying the burden of the fact that I understood that some teachings of the Faithful Slave are false, so I said: "some teachings are frail and questionable". Later, for this single statement I was summoned before a judicial committee of three elders, where washing hands of my questions continued, in fact they said: "you are not here because of the questions you have asked, but because of your statement: "some teachings are frail and questionable". After two rounds of hearing of few days apart, it was decided to withdraw my privileges; later, I found out that I was on the edge of being excluded. It was very hard for me in those days, because even at that time I was not sure of leaving the organization, I was thinking that I have nowhere to go, there was no better religion, because then I started to take seriously into account the idea that this organization could be the true religion. It was a very difficult period of time for me, I had terrible headaches, I thought I would get crazy, I was completely disoriented, I prayed to God tens of times a day at that time, and I believe that praying helped me most to get out of that situation.
During the hearings I justified my statement that: "some teachings are frail and questionable" by the following arguments: 1. The Slave recognizes that he is not inspired by God, unlike the Bible writers; 2. Over time, hundreds if not thousands of teachings had been changed; 3. I asked the elders the following question: "Can anyone of you guarantee that teachings are not going to be changed again?" One of the elders answered me with: NO, then I realized in my mind that a teaching that can be changed is shaky and disputable, but the elders claimed that I "forced the light" and therefore I must repent, then I replied to them: "my conscience is prisoner of the Word of God", however, I must confess, I was afraid of exclusion, that's why I avoided from answering some of their questions, because if I had told them straight away what I believe, then I would have been excluded. After I left the organization, I felt sorry that I was not brave enough of calling things by their name.
After I had been judicially reprimanded and lost my privileges, I sat and thought about: If the Watchtower Society has the truth and is so sure and has so many arguments, why did it advice the elders of my congregation to prompt me not to think about the raised Bible issues? Does the Organization honestly love the truth, since it urges me not to look into things? Are they consistent when declaring in the "Awake!" magazine from 22/6 2000, in the article "Do Not Be a Victim of Propaganda!", the following: "Propagandists relentlessly force you to hear their view and discourage discussion ...", isn't it the same thing the Society does when it comes to its teachings? When it comes to the teachings of other religions it fully encourages the discussion, isn't it?
After these events, I discussed with two elders of the congregation few times for several hours and also, with one of the district overseers. Eventually, a congregation elder recognized, in private of course, that in terms of the content of the biblical text I was right, but we must obey the theocratic arrangement, that is the leadership, and we can accept as truth only what it comes from Faithful and Discrete Slave; for him the information or the teaching itself was not important, but only if it comes or not from the leadership.
Thus, the truth for many Jehovah's Witnesses is not something intrinsic, especially for those who have privileges in the congregation, but the truth is the truth no matter who tells it, as for witnesses the truth is only what the Governing Body says. In fact, anyone who doubts or denies Watchtower explanations is likely excluded, which means a complete separation from friends, being prohibited even a simple greeting to those who left the Organization, that is why some are afraid to say what they really think, and fear is greater as they have been taught that only the Governing Body can correctly interpret the Bible, so without the Organization you are in the darkness even if you have the Bible. But we can ask ourselves a question: If only the Governing Body can correctly interpret the Bible, how is it that they have changed thousands of explanations of verses of the Bible over time? This leads to the idea that they too cannot interpret it right, for if they had had this gift from God, they would not have changed their teachings, isn't it?
Fear is greater, because without the Organization you cannot be saved from sin and death, as if the Organization saves us and not Jesus Christ, who was anointed by God for our salvation (Acts 4:12; 5:31)? Moreover, all Christian denominations are babylonian and satanic, for they are false religion, and then, where can you go?
But to tell you what I did. On August 15th, 2000, I sent a final letter to the President Milton G. Henschel. The letter contained 12 points with more questions at each point, which I composed together with a witness who was a friend of mine and with whom I discussed all my concerns, although I received a commandment from the elders not to talk to anyone about my questions, exactly as the magazine says when describing the propagandists: "Propagandists relentlessly force you to hear their view and discourage discussion ..."
Although it was a respectful letter, in which I mentioned that it was a matter of life and death for me, moreover, it was not biased at all, showing point by point the arguments from the publications, and by questions and texts I tried to draw out attention on the fact that some explanations are not sound, yet the response was unsatisfactory, without solid arguments and incomplete, which they recognized by themselves.
But before I got the response, I understood something that I had to understand long ago, that is: I could not bear myself in falsehood and hypocrisy, I could not be honest only at a point, love only the truths I agree with and disregard the others, minimizing them, as some witnesses were saying: "it does not matter whether Jesus came or not, is He enthroned or not ... we are not guilty if the Slave makes mistakes. He will be held accountable". Then, I was thinking: if so, Catholics too will not be held responsible for worshiping icons, but the Pope alone will be held guilty.
I have realized that if I promote false teachings I become guilty, since Jehovah hates lies, and these come from the devil, who is "the father of all lies" (John 8:44, Good News Translation, US Version). Besides this, preaching and giving magazines based on a false Gospel will bring God's disapproval (Galatians 1: 8). So I had to leave the Organization of Jehovah's Witnesses, but even before leaving the Organization I received the Holy Spirit, specifically in September 2000. I remember well what was in my heart and how I felt.
After being disappointed by the Jehovah's Witnesses Organization, I drew closer to God in prayer, and the more I prayed and drew closer to God, the more I became aware of my sinfulness; I came to realise that not only I am imperfect, but that often I have sinned, although I could abstain; I've realized that although, in terms of my religion I was blameless, yet I was corrupt and as the apostle Paul says: "the worst of sinners", and that my disciplined life was nothing than a smattering, which cannot remove the sin.
Then, through Jesus Christ, I sincerely repented before God, honestly asking him to forgive me and I let myself in his arms for I did not know what to do in spiritual terms (namely, to what religion to go). And I felt that, like never before, God surrounded me with His love, I felt an immense joy and peace; although I did not know where to go, yet I was happy and totally dependent on God.
Currently, I serve God with a clean conscience without dividing my loyalty to God with the loyalty to a human organization any longer.
Alin Ișfa.
Arad, Romania.